


head full of lies

by winter_works



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix It, Force Ghost Shenanigans, Friends to Lovers, HEA, Identity Issues, Memory Loss, Multi, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey is a Palpatine (Star Wars), Rose Ships It, background rose/finn/poe bc we stan polyamory in this house, nobody else dies gdi, proud member of the 'tros ending? I don't know her' club
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27079858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_works/pseuds/winter_works
Summary: "Their bond bloomed anew in her head and she nearly winced with the intensity.But, ever so slowly, she could feel it.Something was...different.They were still deeply connected, but underneath it flowed an uncomfortable blankness. And Rey knew before he even looked at her."TRoS fix-it - with a twist
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	head full of lies

Looking back, Rey thought, it was almost amusing how quickly she'd become used to the bond they shared. The single, at first flickering, almost imperceptible thread loosely connecting, a gossamer strand stretching out across the galaxy. She had despised being linked in any way to this dark shadow, this _monster_ , and it seemed that, initially, he too, found it unusual and discomforting, shutting himself until she could only feel something that might be an echo of his consciousness, sitting way at the back of her mind. Walled up.

But in spite of Kylo's clear abundance of Force knowledge and training, even he couldn't stop the Force choosing to push them together, often at difficult times. Feeling the bond flare open, bringing with all types of emotion that he allowed to flood out, unguarded. She liked to think it had a sense of humour. Sometimes.

And then sometimes she wondered if it was cruel, or just had intentions too lofty for the chess pieces it liked to move around, to understand. Like sensing him burst open, as she remained paralysed there, in the murky depths of Exegol. Jubilant, and fearful, and - different. Not completely, just - freer, and with a glow of determination that just felt right. It was always there, just buried under the shell he had cast around himself for so long. 

_Ben._

It was like the Supremacy throne room all over again, but not. The thread between them more interwoven than ever, making her feeling safe. Powerful, like nothing could ever go wrong. He was here beside her, and it was enough.

But the decrepit and decaying Sith Lord, Palpatine, her _grandfather_ hadn't taken the addition of Kylo Ren into the equation - and certainly not Ben Solo as he was, defiant, his gaze boring into the man who had made his entire life hell. And so Palpatine declared he too, must fall.

Rey had only just started stirring weakly herself, but at once her mind had splintered open with agonising pain. She would have screamed, but it was lodged in her throat with the terror and hopelessness of it all. Ben was generally quite good at hiding his physical pain from her - sometimes self-inflicted when he flew into a sudden rage. There was no preparing for this, however, as he was tossed away, and she knew it wasn't just being flung to the ground, because she felt everything as he ragdolled into the gaping maw behind them. Then his mind went quite still. He was there, but barely, fading in and out like bad wiring. Rey had been sure it was the last time she would feel that, feel anything, as she had begged those many ancient Jedi to answer her, knowing her very life-force was slipping away like water through open hands.

Maybe the Force was cruel. Or maybe it was just fickle, deigning to give life, and then take it whenever. Rey knew she couldn't let this evil rise, even if it meant her own life.

***

It was like being pulled out of a very deep sleep. The first thing she registered was hesitant joy, mingled with fear, and underneath, prickling pain. Hands, warm and trembling slightly, held her, one a band across her middle, the other cradling her nape. She blinked, and a pale face swam before her, watching her closely. Relief that was not her own flooded her, and Rey laid her hand across his, feeling him there, solid and clear. She sat up in his arms and drank him in; he was bruised and bloody but completely, completely _alive_. 

And he had been the one to save her.

The sheer wall of emotions she had been holding down since leaving him on the death star ruins threatened to burst, and Rey beamed up at him.

"Ben." 

_You came back for me._

He was looking at her like he couldn't fathom that they were finally here, his eyes searching her face almost hungrily. The whole weight of how he was feeling was also crashing into her and he was suddenly untethered, happier than he had been in many long, lonely years. Rey reached out and touched his face, the untidy locks of his hair and distinctly remembered wanting to do the same not long before they touched hands on Ach-To. At the time the fleeting thought had shocked her but now it feel right and she had never been more sure of anything.

Ben was shaking, and at her softly saying his true name his full lips curved into a tentative and wan smile, a barely-there huff escaping him. His gaze kept flitting to her mouth, and hers to his, and the longing crackling between them caused Rey to press her lips to his. He has been waiting but needed her to act first and as soon as she did he relaxed into their embrace, deepening it as he tried to keep from smiling.

When Rey reluctantly pulled away, her hand still cradled his cheek. They were very close now, and then Ben laughed quietly, another small huff that she could never have imagined coming from someone like Kylo. Their bond was buzzing with unchecked emotion and a smile broke out on him. It was like the sun finally filtering out from behind the clouds after endless grey skies and rain.

 _Beautiful_ , she thought.

Rey could have kissed him again. But then Ben's smile faded slightly, and she felt the wrongness, the pain. She could feel him pulling away, as though he couldn't hold his weight anymore. The thread between them was becoming more tenuous. Her grip on his hand was tight but Ben slumped back and his body pulled hers forward at an awkward angle. She could feel him ebbing away.

 _Ben_ , she called out to him in her mind. There was no response, except maybe an echo of what he might have been and a shadow of their Bond.

..."Ben?" she prompted softly, not liking how her voice quivered. Everything seemed loud in its quietness around them, the silence deafening.

He was gone.

"Ben - no-" Rey gritted out, still gripping his hand tight. She untangled her legs from their odd position and sat up on her knees, the other palm on his very still chest. Bitter tears pricked at her eyes and her chest hurt. It wasn't fair. He, her other half, her dyad, had just come back to her and for what? Anger joined the sorrow and hurt. The grief overwhelmed Rey as she slumped over his lifeless body, the turmoil fighting to get out of her like some filthy parasite.

"Why?" The words were muffled as she wept. She wondered if he might now pass on to the Force as Luke had done, but that was done with peace and purpose. Could the same be said for Ben? Would he even want to? Rey felt herself suddenly seething at all those long-ago Jedi, who had aided her in her moment of weakness, but then disappeared when another needed them.

The dank world around her brightened and the back of her neck prickled with a familiar awareness. A ghostly hand rested on her shoulder. She turned to look into the face of one Leia Organa, regal in her blue-tinged white afterlife garb, and wearing a sad smile.

Rey gaped at her. "...Master Skywalker?" she offered tentatively.

"That's General to you. Or maybe still Princess," Luke cajoled gruffly and he came to stand beside his twin, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously.

Rey shook her head slightly, glancing at Ben before looking back at the pair. "I don't understand". Her voice caught in her throat. Leia glided noiselessly past her and came to kneel at the head of her son and Rey noticed how he now appeared slightly translucent.

"Are you coming to...take him?" she forced out through the lump in her throat, not even sure what she was saying.

Leia gazed at Ben's features, smooth and untroubled in death, or half-life - whatever it was, Rey was confused - and placed a hand on his cheek. Then she turned her face up to Rey's, her eyes wet.

"No. I used the last of what I strength I had to try and bring him back from the dark. I just hoped...," she trailed off, her lips pursed.

Rey looked down her hand still on Ben, feeling the rough texture of his undershirt. "Can...can you-"

"It's a choice Ben has to make, Rey," Luke cut her off, his expression stoic. Rey's annoyance flared. She had butted heads with the wise Jedi master before and of course they had both come to terms with it in the end, but that didn't mean part of her still rankled at him and Ben.

"I spent forever, time I could have been helping the Resistance, dedicating myself to reaching the Jedi. And I - I did it. But it's come at a cost. Can't they - you- help him now?" It was hard to keep her tone even.

"Luke is right, Rey. He's fighting it," Leia said. "I won't deny I want to see my son again, but not like this. His home is here in the living, not in the dust with us old fools." There was that wry but still sad smile at her mouth again.

Rey sat up straighter. "Earlier, I heard a - a voice say," she took a shaky breath, "that I would bring back balance, as they did. I did it on own, but I'm not sure if Ben was meant to be part of that. He told me before that we were - are," she corrected herself," a...dyad, in the force."

Luke and Leia exchanged looks.

"I can't pretend to say I understand it all, but Luke has enlightened me. It seems that what you and my son possess is very rare. I ...think you were always meant to meet, in the end."

The tightness in Rey's chest worsened, an ineffable sadness. "But is there balance." It was a statement, not a question. "B-Ben is gone, and I..."

"He is not gone, and you have both brought balance And you will continue to do so, bringing forth a new order, one that I couldn't." The familiar voice again.

"Father," Luke breathed softly, eyes on the shaggy-haired man in layered robes like Luke's. Rey felt like she knew who he was although not having ever met him before, noting the facial scar.

Anakin turned, too, to look at Ben's prone body. "I never stopped trying to reach him. Palpatine was very strong in the hold he had over his mind."

"Come back to us, Ben," Leia half-whispered. "The galaxy needs you."

Rey shuffled back and watch the ethereal family crowd around them, hope and sorrow battling it out within her. Tears trickled down her cheeks.

"He believes he deserves this, that there is only peace in death. Oh, Ben. I'm sorry you didn't believe me back on Crait. I _am_ sorry," offered Luke, to the air it seemed.

"You are loved, my son. You have the power to choose who you truly are, please know that," Leia said so quietly, Rey almost didn't hear it among the murmur of many other indistinguishable voices in the darkness, their owners invisible.

Anakin reached out his hand. "Rise, young Solo."

What followed next was rather like their random force connections: all air and sound seemed to disappear from the room, along with the force apparitions.

Then the man beside her sucked in a deep breath, drawing in air as though it was his very first, a strained gasp escaping him. His firm chest heaved as Rey scrambled closer to him again, grasping his hand again, never tiring of the feel of it now he was back in the living world. Their bond bloomed anew in her head and she nearly winced with the intensity.

But, ever so slowly, she could feel it. 

Something was...different.

They were still deeply connected, but underneath it flowed an uncomfortable blankness. And Rey _knew_ before he even looked at her.

Ben's eyes snapped open, wild and unfocussed, and then flicked to her face, hovering over him. He blinked, his brow creasing, lips parted in a question Rey could already feel spearing her too bruised heart. He shifted away from her, looking shakily around him. Peered at her again, seeing her and yet not at the same time.

"Where am I?"

**Author's Note:**

> I have written the first few chapters of this, but am working it out in my head. Would very much appreciate comments if people are interested in reading more c:


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